Wednesday, September 23, 2015

learn to forgive...

This morning, I listened to this podcast...and it suddenly struck me that I have been saying the same thing about different situations over and over again..

"Why don't they apologize?!" or "Why are they not apologetic at all..?!"

Over the last few weeks, the house has been undergoing major renovations...first it was the kitchen then it was upstairs and later this week, renovations will begin on the downstairs....

on paper, it doesn't sound so complicated....buy all the appliances and things needed, make a list of things to do, give it to the contractor, make sure they do it, finished!

well, things that we bought sometimes don't come on time..(the tv took more than four weeks and arrived damaged...now we are waiting for a replacement..the calls to the company made my blood pressure shoot up extremely high I think...I always like to imagine myself as a 'nice' person but during the calls to the company, a monster comes out...) or when they arrive, the delivery people don't do a fantastic job (the fridge was stained by the greasy fingerprints of the delivery guys but the worst part was that they dropped the tray of the water dispenser in the drive way and I only found it by accident and they also told me that the fridge did not have any mechanisms to level it....not true..) or in the most stressful scenario, the company did not deliver to our area and we had to borrow a truck and drive somewhere to get it (the shower cubicle which was in a store in Cincinnati- a 1.5 hour drive one way and the sectional which Dennis' colleague helped us transport in his truck and trailer..) ..

and the contractors don't turn up on time as they said they will or finish their job properly (we are still waiting for the backsplash to do completed...the guy was late for three hours installing the countertop and the first words out of his mouth were: "Aren't you glad I'm here?" Actually at that point, I just wanted my money back!)

The main contractor that we are working with is a really nice fella but he doesn't always do the things I ask him to do...he seems to have some set ideas of his own of how he wants things to proceed....so even though I handed him a really comprehensive list of things to do done in every room, he doesn't refer to it and some things require repeated reminding....at this point, I think I'm rather sanguine, but every time I step on the slopping kitchen floor, I think about the creaking steps on the stairway and make a mental note to get the main contractor to fix them before carpet is laid down...

Even with friends on whatsapp who don't reply in a timely manner or do things they say they will do, I'm not very inclined to continue chatting with them and might just leave the conversation hanging...(this is really unlike me and actually very comfortable for someone who loves closure...but I think it shows the extent of how hardened my heart has become towards those friends..almost like a tit for tat..)

So back to the original point...why do I feel like so many people 'owe' me an apology?

Because of my parents.

huh?

Yup, because I feel like they have hurt me in so many ways and even when I tell them that I am wounded and affected by their words and behavior, they don't seem to care and tell me to suck it up!

Yeah, I think that's it....cos I feel so 'wronged' by my parents and that I wish desperately that they would 'repent' and apologize that this anger and sense of injustice just spills over to other areas of my life...hmmm. :/