Monday, September 22, 2014

14 Years A Christian

While on a long train ride home with a relatively new friend, we were sharing experiences of our Christian journey and he said something rather profound..

"The more I know, the more I realize I don't know..!"

A vision came to my mind... a chicken which was previously in a battery cage being released into green pastures and now has no boundaries and is free to roam around and eat whatever it likes...

The chicken is me.

In the cage, even though it was cramped, I felt safe. Food, though, unappetizing and highly processed, came at regular intervals and I knew where everything was supposed to be and if any fellow chickens got out of line, I can even peck at them to let them know!

But in the pastures, I have to forage for food and there is no timetable and no gates....and the skies are wide open above me....what if predators come eat me?!

And I asked God, "Lord! What if the eagles catch me?! I'm afraid of the eagles! I prefer the safety of the cage!"

"What nonsense. You are an eagle yourself. Fly."

Ahhh...no wonder I wasn't producing eggs in the cage...I wasn't even a chicken to begin with........

Friday, September 19, 2014

A change of perspective

While chatting with the Keeper today...the topic of female genocide in China and India came up...and I wanted to show off my deep spiritual insight on the matter and quipped, "LL and I were talking about it and she said that abortions are modern day child sacrifices..."

And I was going to add that the devil especially hates women 'cos it's all gender-selective abortions...

Then it suddenly hit me...if my parents had known that I was female, maybe they would have chosen the same route...

So the doctor whom I have been blaming all along for telling my parents that I was a boy hence causing them to have unmet hopes and crushing disappointment might have inadvertently saved my life... 

Hmmm...it could also have been one of my own fingers at the strategic moment when the scan was being conducted...a 'V for victory' sign perhaps? 

But no matter what, here I am, world!! 

Thank you God for preserving my life and choosing me to be female! Indeed, You have great plans for me and You have created me to be a blessing to many! Woohoo! 

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

More than Ashes

My theme song for this season... 


I'm more than what these ashes say

They will fade away when He comes for me
By grace, through faith in Christ I'm saved
I am not the same when He looks at me



I am the rose, the joy for which You died
And this I know, I move You with delight
And when my heart condemns on every side
I take refuge in the truth: I am the rose to You



My life is more than meets the eye
I'm hidden now in Christ and I'm one with Him
My love is real before His eyes
He's ravished by the sight of one glance from me



I am the rose, the joy for which You died
And this I know, I move You with delight
And when my heart condemns on every side
I take refuge in the truth: I am the rose to You



I am the rose, I am the lily
I am Yours, I'm Your beauty

There's gonna be a wedding,
It's the reason that I'm living,
To marry the Lamb



I'm more than what these ashes say
'Cause they will fade away when He comes for me
My love is real before His eyes
He's ravished by the sight of one glance from me



There's gonna be a wedding,
It's the reason that I'm living,
To marry the Lamb
To marry the Lamb

The Aroma of Brokenness

For now, let us examine the three fragrances mentioned in this passage. Spikenard was an exotic and costly perfume, which may have been part of the Tabernacle incense recipe. This fragrance was greatly valued in ancient Israel. It is also called 'Nard'. This aromatic oil is extracted from the roots of a perennial herb that grows in India. It is found growing 'in the cleft of the rock crevices' of the Himalayan Mountains. 

Nard was one of the most expensive perfumes in the time of Yeshua, and a pound was said to cost a year's wages. This fragrance comes from the roots, which speaks of the deepest place of our heart, thus, it was associated with acts of love and devotion. The aroma from the roots linger long after other scents had faded. 
Here, the bride begins to speak of her own fragrance, which is released into the atmosphere by the love she expresses for her Beloved. The aroma of her spikenard fills the banqueting hall and all the guests recognize her privileged position at the table and the intensity and costliness of her love for Him. Heaven can recognize a true bride of Yeshua on the earth, by the spiritual fragrance we emit. Most of the ingredients found in both the sacred anointing oil and the incense are some form of plant resin, gum, sap or distilled product which exudes or 'drips' from the heartwood of trees or shrubs. Others are extracted or ground from reeds, bark, flowers or roots. 

The idea is that the Lord is looking for a particular fragrance which is released from our deepest 'heartwood' when we have been pierced to the heart, or gashed open, like the plant which contains these aromatic gums. In other cases, it is the 'stripped' bark of an aromatic spice tree or shrub, again signifying the stripping of our 'self' which produces a sweet fragrance and acceptable offering to the Lord. 

Once when I was in Alabama, attending a conference where I didn't know anyone. I felt a bit shy, so I kept to myself the whole time. There was a man attending who asked if he could have a word with me during one of the breaks. He was hesitant to share what he had seen, since he didn't know me and felt it might be presumptuous of him to say such a thing. But he felt the Lord wanted him to share with me. So I gave him permission to speak freely. He said that as he watched me walking across the lobby, he had a vision of my physical heart looking badly wounded, scarred and it was painful to behold these injuries. But then, he saw that shafts of light were coming out from all the gashed and torn areas. Each broken place of my heart was sending out light to others, like a lighthouse, and that others were drawn to this light and were comforted by it. This is my closest memory of what he shared. 

In those days, I knew little of Song of Solomon and I had never heard of the piercing and gashing of the 'heartwood' of trees to extract the most precious and aromatic oils and perfumes. I now realize that some of the most costly fragrances that our lives emit come from the painful tearing of the heart, which we have experienced.  We didn't ask for these wounds and we would have avoided them if it were possible. But the fact is that the Lord allowed them, though it caused Him terrible pain to see our hearts torn and shattered like this. But He knew that He would be the Master Perfumer, and would bring forth a sweet aroma that only suffering can produce, and that it would bring comfort, love and acceptance to so many broken ones. 
I have seen this principle in operation, over and over. The very areas where I've been hurt the deepest have been the areas where the Lord has given me strong and comforting authority to bring others out of similar wounds or offenses. 

So many hearts are broken by verbal, physical or sexual abuse in their youth. The damage to their young lives and souls is incalculable, and the Father's heart is broken with them, as these cruel and evil deeds are done. But His heart is redemption, healing and overcoming victory. To those who will run to Him in their brokenness, He is a faithful Father, and He will bring good, even out of these evil and horrific acts, which He never dreamed or intended for our lives. 

The Lord God is not the author of these grievous evil acts, but He will bring us out of it with His goodness, if we will open up our pain to Him. Thus, our precious and costly aroma of suffering will be a balm to others who are suffering. Our love and compassion will heal many, if we will bring these torn hearts to the Healer. He is faithful. 

- Jill Shannon- Unveiling the Song of Songs

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Bliss

The way my husband looks at me...or rather, how distracted he is by me, brings home the truth that bliss, truly, is wanting what already is yours.

Song of Solomon 7:10 
I belong to my beloved and his desire is for me. 

Sunday, September 7, 2014

What kind of a man did I marry??!

A man who, after I embarrassedly told him that I was not feeling pursued despite him giving me two hours of his undivided attention everyday, sincerely apologized, validated my feelings and started giving me even more attention...
A man who, after hearing my passionate spiel on how processed meats are carcinogenic, decisively cuts them right out of his diet...
A man who, after learning how troubled I was regarding a matter, chooses to fast and pray on my behalf...
A man....who truly makes my heart sing with gratitude every single day...

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

the counsel of the Holy Spirit brings peace...

My soul was vexed...after attending church and seeing a person who had treated me poorly worship the Lord flamboyantly..

and then I came home and saw on facebook some interactions between this person and some of our now mutual friends and was sorta horrified... "Do they not know her true colours? Is she so good at concealing herself that no one knows her true self? Do these people not have discernment? Are they not able to see her for who she is?" Come to think of it, maybe she doesn't know her true self...

So it was with a rather troubled heart that I fell asleep and then upon waking up, I thought about the matter some more....and this time, the thoughts were from another slant... "would I prefer that she not have encouraging friends? What if this is part of her healing journey? Would I trust the lord to deal gently with her and to restore her?

Yup, I can bless her. I can ask the lord to show her love and compassion and to give her a hope and a future. I can trust the Lord to do what is right and just. I do not have to trust her or have a relationship with her but I can forgive her and give her over to the Lord.