Sunday, November 9, 2014

The Keeper's Garden

So the Keeper and I had differing views of the most appropriate counsel to give a friend...in my mind I thought that my approach would be superior, "How many women has my husband counseled? Of course I would be more experienced in this area and my advice would be better..." 

As I opened my mouth to verbalize those thoughts, the answer suddenly dawned ...

"The Keeper has been consistently counseling one woman....it's an extremely difficult case but he's done really well..."

Me. 

How blessed am I to have the privilege of his wisdom and loving attention everyday...just as a gardener carefully tends to his garden, I am grateful for his guidance in snipping off destructive thought patterns and behaviors and handling wounded areas tenderly, watering them with love and exposing them to the light of God's truth...

(PS: I think that a husband is not responsible for his wife's emotional health but I am immensely thankful that God has given a spouse whom, when challenging events happen and I break down, does not tell me to "Stop it! It's no big deal" and instead says, "I can understand how that would be hurtful. I'm sorry to hear that." and follows up with, "That's a wound that only God can heal...Remember His love is always steadfast and unfailing.")

Friday, October 31, 2014

Whose child is this?


I received a call from an old friend and he shared a story which gave me goosebumps... 

He's a volunteer marriage counsellor and one of the couples that had signed up had some issues moving forward...the lady was rather reluctant to accept the marriage proposal as she has a 10 year old son from a previous marriage and the boyfriend did not want that child.

My friend tried talking to the gentleman but he was rather adamant. Then one day in the shower, my friend heard from God:

"That 10 year old boy is my child. Tell the man that it is an honor and privilege for him to take care of my son and I am extending this offer to him. But he can choose to say 'no'."

He called the guy immediately and arranged a meeting and released the word. The man broke down and was convicted...

and now, he's married to the mom and loves the boy very much too.... 

again, I'm reminded of the principle...."Truly, whatever you do to the least and the lowliest, you did it to Me..."

Monday, September 22, 2014

14 Years A Christian

While on a long train ride home with a relatively new friend, we were sharing experiences of our Christian journey and he said something rather profound..

"The more I know, the more I realize I don't know..!"

A vision came to my mind... a chicken which was previously in a battery cage being released into green pastures and now has no boundaries and is free to roam around and eat whatever it likes...

The chicken is me.

In the cage, even though it was cramped, I felt safe. Food, though, unappetizing and highly processed, came at regular intervals and I knew where everything was supposed to be and if any fellow chickens got out of line, I can even peck at them to let them know!

But in the pastures, I have to forage for food and there is no timetable and no gates....and the skies are wide open above me....what if predators come eat me?!

And I asked God, "Lord! What if the eagles catch me?! I'm afraid of the eagles! I prefer the safety of the cage!"

"What nonsense. You are an eagle yourself. Fly."

Ahhh...no wonder I wasn't producing eggs in the cage...I wasn't even a chicken to begin with........

Friday, September 19, 2014

A change of perspective

While chatting with the Keeper today...the topic of female genocide in China and India came up...and I wanted to show off my deep spiritual insight on the matter and quipped, "LL and I were talking about it and she said that abortions are modern day child sacrifices..."

And I was going to add that the devil especially hates women 'cos it's all gender-selective abortions...

Then it suddenly hit me...if my parents had known that I was female, maybe they would have chosen the same route...

So the doctor whom I have been blaming all along for telling my parents that I was a boy hence causing them to have unmet hopes and crushing disappointment might have inadvertently saved my life... 

Hmmm...it could also have been one of my own fingers at the strategic moment when the scan was being conducted...a 'V for victory' sign perhaps? 

But no matter what, here I am, world!! 

Thank you God for preserving my life and choosing me to be female! Indeed, You have great plans for me and You have created me to be a blessing to many! Woohoo! 

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

More than Ashes

My theme song for this season... 


I'm more than what these ashes say

They will fade away when He comes for me
By grace, through faith in Christ I'm saved
I am not the same when He looks at me



I am the rose, the joy for which You died
And this I know, I move You with delight
And when my heart condemns on every side
I take refuge in the truth: I am the rose to You



My life is more than meets the eye
I'm hidden now in Christ and I'm one with Him
My love is real before His eyes
He's ravished by the sight of one glance from me



I am the rose, the joy for which You died
And this I know, I move You with delight
And when my heart condemns on every side
I take refuge in the truth: I am the rose to You



I am the rose, I am the lily
I am Yours, I'm Your beauty

There's gonna be a wedding,
It's the reason that I'm living,
To marry the Lamb



I'm more than what these ashes say
'Cause they will fade away when He comes for me
My love is real before His eyes
He's ravished by the sight of one glance from me



There's gonna be a wedding,
It's the reason that I'm living,
To marry the Lamb
To marry the Lamb

The Aroma of Brokenness

For now, let us examine the three fragrances mentioned in this passage. Spikenard was an exotic and costly perfume, which may have been part of the Tabernacle incense recipe. This fragrance was greatly valued in ancient Israel. It is also called 'Nard'. This aromatic oil is extracted from the roots of a perennial herb that grows in India. It is found growing 'in the cleft of the rock crevices' of the Himalayan Mountains. 

Nard was one of the most expensive perfumes in the time of Yeshua, and a pound was said to cost a year's wages. This fragrance comes from the roots, which speaks of the deepest place of our heart, thus, it was associated with acts of love and devotion. The aroma from the roots linger long after other scents had faded. 
Here, the bride begins to speak of her own fragrance, which is released into the atmosphere by the love she expresses for her Beloved. The aroma of her spikenard fills the banqueting hall and all the guests recognize her privileged position at the table and the intensity and costliness of her love for Him. Heaven can recognize a true bride of Yeshua on the earth, by the spiritual fragrance we emit. Most of the ingredients found in both the sacred anointing oil and the incense are some form of plant resin, gum, sap or distilled product which exudes or 'drips' from the heartwood of trees or shrubs. Others are extracted or ground from reeds, bark, flowers or roots. 

The idea is that the Lord is looking for a particular fragrance which is released from our deepest 'heartwood' when we have been pierced to the heart, or gashed open, like the plant which contains these aromatic gums. In other cases, it is the 'stripped' bark of an aromatic spice tree or shrub, again signifying the stripping of our 'self' which produces a sweet fragrance and acceptable offering to the Lord. 

Once when I was in Alabama, attending a conference where I didn't know anyone. I felt a bit shy, so I kept to myself the whole time. There was a man attending who asked if he could have a word with me during one of the breaks. He was hesitant to share what he had seen, since he didn't know me and felt it might be presumptuous of him to say such a thing. But he felt the Lord wanted him to share with me. So I gave him permission to speak freely. He said that as he watched me walking across the lobby, he had a vision of my physical heart looking badly wounded, scarred and it was painful to behold these injuries. But then, he saw that shafts of light were coming out from all the gashed and torn areas. Each broken place of my heart was sending out light to others, like a lighthouse, and that others were drawn to this light and were comforted by it. This is my closest memory of what he shared. 

In those days, I knew little of Song of Solomon and I had never heard of the piercing and gashing of the 'heartwood' of trees to extract the most precious and aromatic oils and perfumes. I now realize that some of the most costly fragrances that our lives emit come from the painful tearing of the heart, which we have experienced.  We didn't ask for these wounds and we would have avoided them if it were possible. But the fact is that the Lord allowed them, though it caused Him terrible pain to see our hearts torn and shattered like this. But He knew that He would be the Master Perfumer, and would bring forth a sweet aroma that only suffering can produce, and that it would bring comfort, love and acceptance to so many broken ones. 
I have seen this principle in operation, over and over. The very areas where I've been hurt the deepest have been the areas where the Lord has given me strong and comforting authority to bring others out of similar wounds or offenses. 

So many hearts are broken by verbal, physical or sexual abuse in their youth. The damage to their young lives and souls is incalculable, and the Father's heart is broken with them, as these cruel and evil deeds are done. But His heart is redemption, healing and overcoming victory. To those who will run to Him in their brokenness, He is a faithful Father, and He will bring good, even out of these evil and horrific acts, which He never dreamed or intended for our lives. 

The Lord God is not the author of these grievous evil acts, but He will bring us out of it with His goodness, if we will open up our pain to Him. Thus, our precious and costly aroma of suffering will be a balm to others who are suffering. Our love and compassion will heal many, if we will bring these torn hearts to the Healer. He is faithful. 

- Jill Shannon- Unveiling the Song of Songs

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Bliss

The way my husband looks at me...or rather, how distracted he is by me, brings home the truth that bliss, truly, is wanting what already is yours.

Song of Solomon 7:10 
I belong to my beloved and his desire is for me. 

Sunday, September 7, 2014

What kind of a man did I marry??!

A man who, after I embarrassedly told him that I was not feeling pursued despite him giving me two hours of his undivided attention everyday, sincerely apologized, validated my feelings and started giving me even more attention...
A man who, after hearing my passionate spiel on how processed meats are carcinogenic, decisively cuts them right out of his diet...
A man who, after learning how troubled I was regarding a matter, chooses to fast and pray on my behalf...
A man....who truly makes my heart sing with gratitude every single day...

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

the counsel of the Holy Spirit brings peace...

My soul was vexed...after attending church and seeing a person who had treated me poorly worship the Lord flamboyantly..

and then I came home and saw on facebook some interactions between this person and some of our now mutual friends and was sorta horrified... "Do they not know her true colours? Is she so good at concealing herself that no one knows her true self? Do these people not have discernment? Are they not able to see her for who she is?" Come to think of it, maybe she doesn't know her true self...

So it was with a rather troubled heart that I fell asleep and then upon waking up, I thought about the matter some more....and this time, the thoughts were from another slant... "would I prefer that she not have encouraging friends? What if this is part of her healing journey? Would I trust the lord to deal gently with her and to restore her?

Yup, I can bless her. I can ask the lord to show her love and compassion and to give her a hope and a future. I can trust the Lord to do what is right and just. I do not have to trust her or have a relationship with her but I can forgive her and give her over to the Lord.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

manna

A couple weeks ago, I listened to a itinerant preacher share his experiences...one of the recurring themes in his sermon was about how he lavishly shared his resources especially money... he would tip taxi drivers, waitress, air stewardesses...and basically anyone he came into contact with because he believed in using manna to spread the kingdom of God...I was somewhat leery because I thought he was hinting that the congregation should give him more money (he was selling some books..) and got slightly offended and wasn't open to his message at all and thought why should I give money away to spread the gospel? Surely one could do that in other ways....

Fast forward to Monday this week....I was asked to go for a lunch on short notice and there were four persons in total...I was early and waited for the other three to arrive...the moment they did and sat down, one of the girls looked at me directly and said, "I was going to treat the other two persons but I didn't factor you in."

Can someone say ouch?

This girl used to sell insurance...and I had bought several policies from her...during the time she was my agent, she was rather nice and generous..... now she's working in a different field and she loves to share about how much God loves her and how mightily He is using her in supernatural ways..

I guess maybe she didn't realize that instead of insurance, she's selling the gospel of Christ now...

How much would the meal would have cost? About $35 per person tops.

If I were a non-believer, would I believe that the God she serves is an abundant loving God?

Nope.

As a believer, would I believe that God has truly transformed her life?

Nope.

And the silly thing is..it's really not about the money.... I could have paid for it myself...it's not a big deal....it was just how unloving and unkind the person came across...no one likes to be excluded...God, please give me the grace to forgive and flush my heart with love for this person...




Tuesday, August 26, 2014

静婷爱神

God is truly gracious.

A friend was commenting on my new surname and she said that it sounds similar to 'awesome'.

I told her cheerfully that my Chinese name is indeed very awesome..!

Word for word, it would translate to 'Chin Ting loves God'.

I told my friend that it would be sufficient to just write my Chinese name on my tombstone when the time comes because that would be the highest tribute..that if at the end of my journey on earth, the people around me would remember me as a person who truly loved God....

Thursday, August 21, 2014

finally?

We've received a response from the National Visa Centre yesterday.

Now we are *just* waiting for the interview date at the US embassy in Singapore....there should be instructions on a medical exam before the interview as well... The interview shouldn't be too much of a hassle... from people who have gone through the interviews, the questions should focus on how well I know my husband and details of our relationship. 

Was looking at people's timelines from this email to the day of interview.... 4 weeks in Singapore and the other one was 6 weeks in Madras...

The other thing that slightly concerns me are the police checks...which was not asked for.....but other people have mentioned that police checks are necessary for ALL the countries that a person has lived in...and that has resulted in further delays....so for me, that means Switzerland and Australia?? Hmmmm... 

Lord, please pave the journey for us....and preserve our peace and joy!!!

**

Oh wait!!!! I just realized that I forgot to give thanks for the fact that the documents have been processed in LESS than 60 days as per the last correspondence....

God, in You only do we place our trust...

(and also thought about the police checks...am wondering if the people who mentioned that they needed checks from other countries were Singaporean...but guess most probably not....and now I'm thinking that the police check which I have already submitted will be sufficient...so yeah...I will stop fretting and just rest.....) 



Monday, August 18, 2014

Conversation

watched Sons of God (free online with promo code and vimeo sign up!) yesterday...and someone who was miraculously healed from cancer said something along these lines...

"God did not want to talk to me about my cancer- He wanted to talk about my destiny. So I started talking about my destiny with Him. And one year later, the cancer was all gone."

That sounds like a brilliant idea... talking to God about things that He wants to talk about...


The best spouse

I think the Keeper is the best husband in the world. 

Why? Is it because he is so accommodating? Considerate? Gentle? Kind? Handsome? Hardworking? Godly?

Yes, he's all that.

But he's the best husband because he is God's choice for me. 

:))

There is no perfect spouse...it is faith in a perfect God that will keep a marriage buoyant in turbulent waters...that a marriage is not meant to make you or him happy, but a marital union is meant to make the both of you more holy...and when you aim for 'holy', 'happy' is an incidental by-result...





Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Bless the Lord O my soul...

my husband said something that made me cry today.

He asked me if I wanted to join a disaster relief course in Kentucky on the 17th of October.

The tears just started flowing and I said,

"Sweetie, I don't think I'll be there yet."

Being separated from the person that you love the most is hard.

Waiting without a confirmed date to see that person again is harder.

But OK! We'll get there...

and in the meantime, here's what I'll do...



Monday, August 11, 2014

The Root

I think I have finally identified the root of most of the quarrels that the Keeper and I have... on my part, it is the troubling doubt, "Does he really love me??!" When he seemed a bit careless with his words or actions, that was the conclusion I'd instantly jump to.... "That proves he doesn't love me!!!!" 

I didn't realize it previously but the Keeper takes our marriage extremely seriously.....he sees it (correctly!) as a lifelong commitment between us and God. And then I thought about the vows in which he said that he will give his life for me like Christ did for his church....and inquired,

"Sweetie, will you die for me?"

Without hesitation, he said, "yes."

Wow. 

When I have full confidence that my husband loves me and is committed to our relationship with his very life....it is very easy for me to assume the best of him and the situation and the tendency to want to fight him disappears.. 

A parallel perhaps might be drawn with Christ and His bride....sometimes we may doubt God's love..and when we do wonder, we tend to wander off...sulk and throw tantrums....and wrestle with Him and accuse Him of things that He's not guilty of...but He has already proven His love on the cross with the ultimate sacrifice.....so let us be smart and do ourselves a favour by relinquishing those lies and bask in the love of the One who willingly went to Hades and back...

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Intimacy

The other day, something awkward happened. 

I was leaving church and asked a friend if she wanted to go home together since we live rather close by and she said that she is going home with two other ladies who live her area and one of them who was standing next to her.
Then she mentioned that she saw my youngest sister and asked me if I'm going home with her. Then I said that most probably I'd get a lift from her then.
The lady next to her perked up and asked if she could get a lift too...and I said that I've have to ask... but I didn't... and I feel rather bad about it..

Why? 

1. I really don't know this lady and have not seen her before in my life.
2. I don't think that my sister was that happy to give me a lift even tho we live in the same block. (things have not been too cordial between us for some time now.)
3. I also didn't think that she likes to give random people lifts...as she and her husband are usually very much sleep deprived and their car is usually very dirty and I wasn't sure if they would be embarrassed by that...
I was thinking in my mind...lady, if it is my husband, I can definitely ask and know that he will say yes... cos I know him so well...he rarely passes up a chance to show love and to serve others. 


Now I wonder if it's in any way similar to our relationship with Christ.....that if we need a favor or some help, when we're close to Him, we'll know His character and preferences, it'd be easy for us to know His response and to ask Him for anything without any fear or reservations...

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

mommy, how much do you make?

On not attaching a dollar value to being a stay home mom...article here.
"Motherhood isn’t cheap..... But it is free!" (like Christ's work on the cross..) 


why do we need to receive Christ?

I love my friend who's not a believer yet and is so authentic and childlike with her questions that she sets me thinking and digging deeper into my own faith.

so today I was chatting to her (after a delightfully lavish feast by her father-in-law again...I think my mom would be totally mortified at the fact that I can go so often to a friend's place without any sense of shame and enjoy people's hospitality so unapologetically)... and I asked if she had received Christ before... I wasn't sure cos she has been visiting a church with me and her three sisters are all Christians...

She said that she hasn't and I asked her about what is stopping her... she replied that she hasn't felt the need to....and I started to think about all the reasons why someone should receive Christ...

More peace, more security, more joy..

Healer, provider...

I couldn't think of more reasons and thought that it's true... she really didn't need God...her family was fine, her kids are beautiful and very healthy... and her career was fine too...

and I thought about the reasons why I had accepted Christ...

because I wanted a better way of doing life... I had seen my parents worship spiteful, unpredictable Gods which required constant stroking of their egos by offerings and prayers and thought that it didn't do them very much good other than rain down a myriad of curses into the family...(they went to a medium when I was born and was told that I will never be close to them....so as much as I tried, I feel like my mom has always kept her distance...Dad believes that bad things happen to him because of stuff he has eaten or things he has done...ie: he got a stroke because he ate beef...not because of any links of the beef affecting his cholesterol levels but just that his Gods were upset with him for this offense and needed to punish him... some wonderful religion huh?)

because I had lived with depression for so long that I thought it was 'normal' to be depressed and that in my darkest days, when I thought that I should just kill myself, Jesus was the answer...He healed my heart and gave me a new identity..instead of a curse, I became a blessing....a perfect and purposeful child of God of the 'right' gender instead of a mistake and a disappointment...

because He is Johovah Jireh...my provider...when I had any lack, He has proven himself faithful time and time again....jobs when I needed them, lucky draw prizes such regular occurences that my friends are more surprised when I do not win stuff... than when I actually do...

and I realized that was all God is to me...

I had shortchanged my friend..

I even told her that I thought that my personal view is that at the point of death, God is gracious and will still allow us to go to heaven if we accept His son as our saviour....

Is that right?

I had completely forgotten to tell her that it's because Jesus is the answer to everything. That He is God and He has been sent to earth to save us from our sins by dying on the cross. That we are sinners in need of a saviour. Maybe I haven't had that conviction... perhaps I'm still a pharisee or 'elder brother'... believing that I had done everything right and God is lucky to have me on his team....

Ok...this is really hard to face up to... I honestly don't see myself as a sinner...I see myself more like a victim of circumstances and think that I have turned out pretty well for the crappy family God has given me... ! And that I have turned to God cos He provides so many benefits...!!! Do I really love God..?? or know God....? Oh man...!



Waiting in the dungeon



This came in early in the morning. 

First thoughts:

"Why would it take so long to verify a police check and a photocopy of a passport?!"

"What a waste of time!! If they could have let us know earlier, I could have flown back to US with Dennis and spent a couple months with him!!"

"Again, what a waste of time...I could have spent all these months working...and earning money and saving some and giving some to my parents..!"

"I feel so invalid as a person. Not working for so long...I feel like I am not contributing at all.."

Out of the thoughts, number 3 and 4 were especially troubling...because they point to wrong beliefs that I think I still habour regarding the 'worth' and value of a person.. Processed those thoughts with my very wise husband and he also pointed out that if I had been working, I might not have had the privilege to journey and bring some of my friends to Christ and various churches..

The initial fury has now turned into acceptance and possible thanksgiving...

The Keeper and I have not actually 'wasted' these last few months and have in fact invested heavily time-wise in our marriage and friendship and had a couple hours of conversation everyday...and we are at a place where we both feel known and loved..

The godly community that I thought that I might establish with the people in the church I was attending by serving in the children's church...is now being filled by friends in Soakability church who have really taken me under their wings- in no small measure thanks to the goodwill of my eldest sister who has been there for the past couple of years. I joined them for an outreach on Sunday and they were all so friendly and welcoming that I was rather taken aback.. and the other thing about Soakability is their mobility...they have three people going for bethel's school of supernatural in a couple of weeks..and through them, I also met a guy who's based in a charismatic church in North Carolina..feels as if God is putting out a network for me and paving the way before I step onto US soil... 

Something that I didn't quite expect was the equipping...it started out more of accompanying a friend for the Monday classes at school of supernatural and now I'm learning about prophecies, word of knowledge and healing...which also might come in pretty handy in the States.. 

And the last thing which I don't think was quite possible is the restoration of relationships between my family and myself... I feel like a person who is sinking and drowning and have depleted all my energy and human devices..hopefully this is when God can swop in and move mightily...

God, You are good and You are in control and You have our future in Your hands. And we put our whole trust in you. 

Friday, August 1, 2014

One year ago on this day...


This day last year.

The above happened.

Just a few moments before the picture was taken, the following exchange was said...

GROOM

I, Dennis Ison, take you Sim Chin Ting to be my wife, before God who brought us together; to love and cherish you even as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her, to lead you and share all of life's experiences with you by following God; that through His grace may we grow together into the likeness of Jesus Christ, our Savior and Lord.

BRIDE

And with this ring, I, Sim Chin Ting, take you, Dennis Ison, to be my husband, before God who brought us together, to love you, cherish you, to submit myself unto you in all things, and to follow you through all of life's experiences as you follow God; that through His grace may we grow together into the likeness of Jesus Christ, our Savior and Lord.
Dear Dennis, what a blessing it is to be able share my life's journey with you.

Thank you for being such an exemplary model of a servant-leader, for demonstrating what being kind, gentle and sacrificial looks like on a daily basis and for always believing in the best of me and spurring me to be the best version of myself and reminding me to keep my eyes on the cross when I fumble and for being strong yet tender...for doing the right thing even when no one is watching.

Thank you. God answered all my prayers and more in you and my heart overflows with joy for the privilege of being your help meet.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Limbo no rock aka visa updates...

ahhh... it's 16th of July...and Mrs Ison had naively thought that 10 months would be long enough for the visa to come through...but ok...we are hitting 11 months on 26th July..... and this morning, we received one of the most aggravating correspondence from the National Visa Centre yet...

first, some head and tail.... we had first applied for a spouse visa on 26th August 2013 and had submitted all the documents they asked for...it was a very tedious and repetitive...and mostly handled by my meticulous and long suffering husband.. and in June, I received a letter stating that I would have to send a copy of my passport and a police clearance check... and my husband needed to send evidence of support (his bank statement and employment history and all that jazz) and birth certificate...it was stated that no online submission was allowed and everything had to be done through snail mail...(which didn't make a lot of sense cos there were a couple of payments which we noticed and paid up promptly in April only to receive notification via snail mail in Singapore in May to please pay those bills BUT only online please....but we had already paid them a month ago...)

But ok, we send those documents via registered mail and thought that the next thing would be the letter informing me about the medical check up and interview at the US embassy in Singapore...because..in April we had also received noticed that the petition for the spousal visa has been approved...(Are you confused yet? Or just bored reading? Don't worry, I share similar feelings..) So the petition has been approved...is distinct from having the visa in my passport.... (at this point, friends would usually ask..'can't you go to the US on a tourist visa first?' Sure, I can but I need to come back for the interview and I do not want to delay things by being there when that letter arrives..and also, I am here so long that friends have asked me if I am already back from the US for a visit.....AND!! when people ask me for any prayer requests, I am always rather embarrassed when they suggest praying for the visa...cos it's been approved...so I thought that it's sorta waste of time / energy to pray about it when there are other much more meaningful stuff to pray about.... it's approved already...why bother praying right...?? WRONG.)

SO!

One week ago, the Keeper emailed the National Visa Centre on the status of the applicant.. (basically they just need to bundle all of the documents we have sent them so far and send them to Singapore for the interview here..) and the reply was essentially the same as the letter in early June and they stated that they have not received the documents they had asked for.......so we doubled checked and tracked the mail...my police clearance was delivered to the National Visa Centre on 25th June.........

I read the email first thing in the morning and was so angry that I jumped out of bed immediately and had breakfast... (what was for breakfast? Durian and mangosteens..) and turbulent thoughts whirled through my mind...

"Man! Do they not know how tedious it is to get a police check?! That's another $60 down the drain and another couple of weeks of delay at least?!!"

"Haven't I already done everything and sent everything they asked for?? And why couldn't they ask for everything in one shot??"

"This is such a waste of time!!! And I can't go anywhere!!!"

"And how inefficient this whole thing is!!!! This would not happen in Singapore!!" (but ok, I haven't applied for a visa in Singapore before so maybe I take this sentence back..)

As I was chomping down on the durians, the story of Moses hitting the rock when God told him to just speak to the rock came to mind...

I think the message is somewhere along the lines of 'in your anger, do not sin..'

then it was time for the daily skype with my darling husband and I was greeted with a very morose face...he looked like he had been crying or was about to cry, so I asked him if everything is alright...

He looked very surprised and said, "Haven't you received the email?"

I sure did as well...

We talked about the matter..and I must say that I was rather impressed by my tender husband...I read somewhere that anger is essentially a secondary feeling and in my case, I have bypassed sadness directly but my husband was able to accurately express the primary emotion.... and he was still very gentle and polite as seen by the civil email he had just drafted to the national visa centre which included screen shots of evidence of our documents being delivered to them...

I told him about how I had been reminded of the story of Moses..so we read it together and numbers 20:12 stood out...that Moses had struck the rock because he has not trusted the Lord...

and then we had our usual chat and I asked him what he had for dinner (occupational hazard and possible Singaporean/ Asian/ chinese thing) and he said that he was so upset that he didn't eat anything... and was planning to fast and pray tomorrow too... (the wife on the other hand, was planning to eat even more durians later in the day..)

and he also said something really endearing...previously I had said something to the effect of maybe I'm still in Singapore 'cos God wants to use me to minister to some people or heal me of some stuff.... or just basically prepare/ equip me, he wondered aloud if there's anything that God needs to do to prepare him before I go over too....

We ended off with praying and blessing the NVC and the postal services in Singapore and US and also reaffirming our trust in God and resting in the knowledge that yeah, He is in control and there are usually good reasons for unexpected delays...

and...now...please kindly release your extremely fervent prayers for us because we need all the prayers we can get and it does look like celebrating our first year wedding anniversary on 2nd August together in the US will take a major miracle..... (we both know we've got the rest of our lives together..what's a few more weeks, or gasp, months!!! At this point in time, we really just wanna start the next chapter of our lives instead of being in limbo....)

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Just like you...


"How I wish God will give me a man I don't need to fix!!!"

This is a friend's response to a story about the Keeper.... how I thank God for a godly husband and how extremely happy and grateful I feel... 

The man that my friend is seeing and intending to walk down the aisle with is a Christian but does not act out his faith in a tangible way and she feels that it will do him good to return to church..she loves him very much and almost seems to feel as though that she has to choose between God and her boyfriend.. 

Ask me about the issue of being 'equally yoked' last year and I will tell you very clearly that "yes, it is in God's word to not to be yoked with unbelievers".... and that being with a person who does not love or know God is not a wise thing to do... 

How about now? 

Actually...my views have changed slightly... a guy who is totally devoted to the Lord and to you can still stumble down the road... there are stories of famous Christian leaders who have fallen... As much as I hate to think about it, there is no certainty in life...and so what if you marry a really godly man? Does it mean that your life will be a bed of roses from this point on..? Most probably not...BUT.... having been there, done that and dated my share of swamp things (nobody to blame but myself for fishing in swamps), I can assure you that it will be a much less ardourous journey...to have someone on your team who shares the same values and beliefs...it's almost like playing a game with a person who abides by the same rules...it's just so much easier...

So what am I saying?

It's ok to be yoked unequally?!!

Sure, as long as you know that it's not your job to change him, that you might have a tremendous amount of guilt that can feels overwhelming at times and that conflicts and arguments might be more frequent and you might not be as spiritually and emotionally intimate as you like... 

But but..this sounds so callous..!!

yeah. And before you stomp off angrily, also let me assure that God loves that person even more than you love him and that He will also do all it takes to bring him back to Him and it is our responsibility to stay close to Him and to listen to Him and allow Him to love us... He's already forgiven you for everything you've done....Jesus has died on the cross for our sins...everything you have done in the past, present and future...all forgiven...so please, walk under that banner of grace and know that your loving Father is not angry at you and longs to spend time with you daily, to comfort you when you are down and He lights up with joy when you are happy.... 

Bottom line: it's fine if you want to remain with your boyfriend and it's also ok if you choose to break up with him....God will take care of the BOTH of you... Your boyfriend is not the 'bad' guy.... He's also God's precious child, just like you..... 

(But!! I do not believe that God tells people to date or marry non-believers...I believe it's something He allows 'cos He gives free will and I will be rather leery of any voice which tell a person anything contrary to what has already been communicated in the scriptures...)

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

montages

for quick and easy access to our montages... 




The Jewel


A pastor friend has asked me to write a testimony on how God had come through for me in my wait for a husband. I started attending her church in 2010 after a breakup which left me emotionally spent..and was doubtful that a walk down the aisle was ever going to materialize..and she has been praying and ministering to me through the years..

Now that I am very happily married to a wonderful man, she reckons that the story of my journey might encourage other women...

Backtrack to August 2013...the following is a status update which I posted on Facebook a couple weeks after the wedding...

Looking back at my notes...I came across a single sentence written more than a year ago...God had told me, rather clearly... "Until you start to see yourself as a jewel, I cannot give you away...." 
 
At that time, I was not attached...(but very anxious to be!)..and I didn't know what He meant...and was quite annoyed..."Can't You just send me someone first and fix me later?!"

But now, I think I finally get what He was trying to say.....if a woman sees herself as a pearl of great worth....and believes that she is a priceless asset to her husband, she will expect and elicit tenderness, love and respect from him and in the process, bringing out the best in him as well....


*** 

Actually the analogy of the jewel was fleshed out further.... God showed me that I was selling myself at a flea market as if I was a worthless trinket and was allowing random passers by to manhandle the jewel...and when they beat down the price just for fun, my confidence was further diminished and thought, "yup, I'm really not worth that much.."

God told me that, no, I am such a precious and beautiful jewel in His eyes that He wants me to be kept in the safety box of a top jeweler...till there is a genuine buyer and only when the jeweler knows that the buyer is sincere and has the means to pay the price...that He will take the gem out from the secret hiding place with gloved hands and show it proudly to the buyer who would be bedazzled and more than willing to pay the astronomical price for the privilege of owing the treasure.

So there. 

This is the best advice I can offer every single girl...

Beloved daughter of God, until you are secure in your identity as a priceless jewel belonging to the King of Kings and believe that you are worthy of love and respect....He will keep you close to His bosom and sing over you till your heart is fully restored so that your beauty can shine...

Then and only then, will He present you to the man of His dreams who will love Him and love you and gladly lay down his life for you. 



Wednesday, June 25, 2014

let the little children come to me...

Last night I went to visit a friend at her place...mainly to meet and play with her two daughters.. they are 5 and 2.5 years old and my friend seemed rather surprised that I enjoy being with children so much...

while we were at the playground, it suddenly struck me that when I was at her eldest daughter's age, my parents had already starting leaving me alone at home...and my usual routine consists of waking up and then watching tv or playing and then getting ready for school and then going to school by myself... I looked at her little girl and I think my heart ached a little bit for the 5 year old me who had to do so many things without any adult supervision....we were holding their hands the whole time and they were totally free to be children and to cry and know that they'd be comforted by their mom..

Maybe the reason why I like children so much is that I think that they are very innocent and deserve all the love I can give them.... and also to prevent another child from going through the same pain I did and perhaps...(this is something which just occurred to me..)  reliving and healing my own childhood in the process?



The Next Best Thing...

so the Keeper knows about my passion for rearing our own chickens (mainly so that we'd be able to have fresh eggs daily..) but I've sorta given up the dream after reading about possible risks with handling live chickens during pregnancy...("sorta" 'cos who knows once we are done with kids, right? ;D)

so to celebrate our first wedding anniversary (yes, time flies!), he hasbooked accommodation in my favorite city in Kentucky (Louisville- where we had our engagement pictures taken...why favorite? Cos it's got heaps of interesting restaurants...!)

He found the place through airbnb and it's called 'The Harvest House' and the couple who live there rear their own chickens along with a bee hive (!!) and a veggie patch.....

ohhh........how I love my husband...*swoon*

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Are you happy?

there's a friend I see fairly regularly and she's rather unique..she's carefree (on the surface) and childlike and frequently asks me questions that, coming out from another person, might put my defenses up but with her, I know that she is sincere and just wants to know the answer..

so her latest question was...."Are you happy?"

I paused for a while uncharacteristically (that's something my husband does- ponder carefully before speaking...) and she interjected, "why do you have to think one?!"

I think the truth is that it's been a while since I've thought about the question...and yes, I think I am happy.

and here's my fully fleshed out answer....

The basis of my 'happiness' lies on two tenets...

1. God is good. (Psalm 145:9)

2. God is in control. (Psalms 47:8)

Why two and not just either one?

If God is good but not in control, He is like a kindly old grandfather who is weak and incompetent and wrings His hands in frustration when bad things happen and I can't possibly go to Him for help and would have to cope and fight for myself...

If God is in control but not good, then He will be like a distant, unpredictable King who sometimes blows up.... and I'll be treading on tiptoes, not sure when He's going to be angry..

but if I firmly believe that God is good and in control, that He is a righteous and merciful Heavenly Father who makes all things work for the good of those who love Him...I am able to give thanks in all circumstances and rest well every night in the knowledge of His love and protection...

an afterthought I had to the the question was...I think I've never allowed myself to be happy.....

I was chubby as a kid and overweight as a teen and adult and I've always told myself, "I can only be happy when I am within a normal weight range."

In recent years when my weight was within the normal range, I then gave myself a specific number...I had to be that number on the scales to be happy...if my weight was above that, I did not give myself permission to be happy...and guess what, I only stayed at that figure for a couple of weeks and the number has been creeping up, along with the level of unhappiness..

but recently, it's finally ok...I've sorta worked it out.....I do enjoy my food and it is a simple equation...energy-in versus energy-out ...if I want to eat rich food, I'd have to expend a similar amount of calories..if not, then it's perfectly natural to gain weight...but it's ok..even when I gain weight, God loves me, my husband loves me and I love me...
I can cut back some and do a bit more exercise but not obsess about it...no longer do I get a huge emotion reaction of guilt and self-hatred when I step on weighing scales....nowadays, it's more of "meh..ok...let's do something about this.."

The other condition I gave myself was that I needed to have a 'good' relationship with my father..but again, guess what, that doesn't seem that possible and I felt like I tried so hard and prayed so long that it was hopeless.... but now I also realize that it's ok... I do not have to change him and the relationship does not have to look like one of the stories out of 'chicken soup for the soul' where daughters pour their hearts out to their fathers and hold hands and go on ice cream dates..he has his struggles and I have mine and I can just relax about the relationship... as long as I have tried my best and done everything in my power to honour him....then it's ok....

so maybe what I meant is that previously I had only allowed myself to be happy and content if things were exactly the way I want it to be..and I thought that life is meant to be a series of endless striving for newer and harder goals...

Another friend whom I respect a lot recently told me about an epiphany that he had....that happiness lies in the journey, not the destination...he thought he'd be happy if he had a certain house, his career went a certain way etc, but actually it was the journey that made him happy...the process of getting the house which molds his character and working hard at his job, developing his strengths and helping other people...

and I think should I should add too...after saying all these....that the goal of my life is not to be happy....,,

The goal of my life....*drumroll please* is to make God happy.....and true joy and peace is a by-product of that... ;)

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Changes

I think I shouldn't be surprised anymore but I think there is a common perception that in our marriage, I'm the one who's more dominating and demanding and that my husband has to adjust and change to suit my preferences.....

Last night, a friend half chided me and commented that I shouldn't be asking my husband to change so much...I think she was referring mostly to his appearance... hair style, clothes etc... the thing is, I think the Keeper doesn't really care...What I mean is, he doesn't really fuss about superficial stuff like that.. ;P He's pretty easy going when it comes to clothes and fashion and trusts in my taste (He should ..I married him afterall!! And tell him regularly how handsome I find him!)...and most times, when I ask him about his preferences (yes, I do ask..),  he'd reply, smiling, "whatever my wife likes."

The same friend then commented that I should allow my husband to change me...and this set me thinking...

yeah, my husband does change me too...dressing wise, I now chose more modest items 'cos that's his preference... and he's also caused changes where it matters the most...

His love in my life has resulted in a lot of healing....in areas where I previously thought I was unlovely and "unacceptable".... he's modeled for me grace and forgiveness and shown me what it looks like to be truly generous and sacrificial.....so, yeah, the changes do work both ways...and I do believe he's changed me more than I've changed him and I thank God for him every single day. ;)


Thursday, May 15, 2014

Biggest change since not working...

Now the main question I ask myself when dressing to go out:

"Can I wear this with birkies?"

(90% of my wardrobe is office wear...so mostly "no....")

In other news, I think I am truly mentally prepared for migration...

A dear friend asks me where I would like to go for dinner..ie: "foods you think you might miss" and I'm hard pressed to think of any and choose instead a place which I have already gone to twice and experience very little excitement..(so shocking! Even to myself! Not excited about food?!! Yes, I think I have already tasted everything I wanna taste in Singapore and have a roughly good idea on how to replicate those items...)

Not sure too if this is a sign, that without really trying, the war on gluttony has finally been won....

Sunday, April 27, 2014

"No worries, be safe."

I behave terribly in terms of being on time. I am almost always on time and give my friends such a hard time about being punctual that I think they are all rather scared of me.

I remember there was once I went out with a girlfriend and I was slightly late...and she told me that while waiting for me that she wondered if she "was at the wrong place because Chin Ting is never late!"

So today, serving in Sunday school, I woke up late and messaged the team to inform them that I was running late...and my team leader replied, "No worries, be safe."

I was awed by her reply. Wow. Not only is she not mad at me (and be scolded as I think I deserve), she was even concerned about my safety....

It made me wonder why I have such a huge (and crazy) reaction whenever my friends were late..... (and I have to be clear..I am only usually terribly punctual when going out with friends but not so particular in terms of work or school)

Why? Cos my underlying belief might be that when a person is late, the person does not care...and  does not cherish the friendship.. ( and school/ work is nothing personal directed to any one individual..)

or it could be learned behaviour from my dad... who throws a fit every time we have to go anywhere and insists that we all leave an hour EARLY... I suspect it has something to do with his childhood abandonment issues...... that when people are late, people with abandonment issues start playing back negative tapes and start freaking out that the person is going to abandon them.. (no, I cannot claim credit for this theory.... Karrolyn Merriman talked about it...)

but yeah, I think the bottom line is that I take my friends' being late personally..... as if they were doing something to me when in fact it is not and it could just be due to something else in their lives... (in mitigation, I was late this morning cos I have been sick and not able to sleep the night before..which obviously has nothing to do with my Sunday school team mates..)

so hopefully, this part of the puzzle has been unravelled....and we should see if I still behave in a crazy way the next time a friend is late...



fall out

it's been about a week since the beloved Keeper has returned to the States and I was thinking that this next couple of months might be rather uneventful but to my surprise, they have been anything but.. 

I do have some errands which I need to complete... namely the name change on my identity card and passport and then I would have to inform the banks, the CPF board, income tax and the insurance companies.. but I thought that those errands wouldn't take up that much time and was looking for courses to join and have signed up for a website and webpage design class and also a webpage maintenance tutorial.. OH! and a hair cutting course!! That starts Wednesday and I told the teacher that I just mainly wanted to cut my own fringe and my husband and children's hair in the future.. the classes will be at a hair salon which is near my place and which I used to frequent as a teenager and I remember seeing them train hair stylists but I think they have stopped doing that for a number of years.. and they were rather surprised when I turned up with my request... and now I have ONE brave friend willing to be my model..apparently I need five models...the friend who agreed said, "but my hair is so short...gimme me two weeks to grow it longer.." He's so gracious!! Hehe..but it's true that his hair is very short...it's almost a military crop... 

and then I have the fallout from the wedding dinner to handle... 

what fallout? 

Dealing with disgruntled friends and relatives... 

1. a friend who informed me that she had food poisoning and couldn't attend. We had a small tiff a few days before the wedding and I sorta suspected that it might have something to do with her non-attendance... I only sent her a message about 10 days after the wedding dinner to thank her for her blessings and she was offended that it took me so long..she expected me to reply immediately on the day of the wedding to ask after 'a sick friend' (her own words) ... she made quite a number of assumptions which forced me to look into my core beliefs and think about her core beliefs.. 

mine being: "If a friend does not turn up for my wedding (like the biggest day of my life!), then the friend is not worth keeping..."

hers maybe: "My friend should always ask about how I am when I tell them I am sick no matter how busy or stressed they might be..." 

2. my younger sister who thought that I was being horribly mean to her sister in law and friend...the two girls refused to sit where they were allocated and in frustration, I told her that they could go home if they were so unhappy... and she hasn't spoken to me since the wedding dinner and I spoke to her two nights ago and found out that she thought that I had treated them like dogs and asked me very angrily why I had been such a control freak if God is on my side... which makes me want to ask her back the question why she had broken down and cried at the wedding dinner and made the atmosphere so awkward if she has God too... Ah.... 

and then she came to me the next day and said that she had been praying about the situation and asked God what is so important that she must tell me before I leave for the States and she said that it's 'rest in Him'... so ok, I'm not exactly resistant to the idea but not entirely convinced too... cos I do see the results of her 'resting' (ie: lack of planning) and find the concept baffling.... it's really small things like not planning ahead and getting an EZlink card and having to pay more cash and making thoughtless purchases and not doing research and just seemingly blindly going through life... 

but I do see the value of being so intimately connected to God that every step and decision is guided by Him.... 

Which is not that bad of an idea..I acknowledge that it's definitely easier to follow methods and structures and to use tools...ie: your marriage is on the rocks? Well, have you heard of the Five Love Languages??  etc etc.. instead of first going to the One who created the idea of marriage... it is harder to seek God.. but definitely more rewarding.... hmmm 




Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Busy-ness...

I get upset at friends who tell me that they are so busy they can't meet up...(contrary to a recent news article which pointed out that it's increasingly common for people to associate importance to busy-ness...I just thought that people who are so busy are poor planners..)

Well..now I think I finally understand..it's a few more days till my husband's arrival (4!) and the wedding dinner (11!)..I have a few errands planned for today and maybe something on Friday and a couple of things planned for the weekend...my calendar is not that full but my mind is so preoccupied that when a friend asks me if we can meet for a meal, I realize that no, I can't...i don't have any more energy that I can spare....(even thought technically I'm not doing that much..) 

But ok...everything is on track...all the non-negotiables are finalized and the negotiables are just that.. 

*breathe*

Friday, March 21, 2014

A feminine analogy on sharing Christ..

Sharing the gospel....is like when our friends see that we suddenly have very much improved complexions and want to know our beauty secrets.

And we tell them that it's this facial product and that facial regime we are using...they are half convinced and then we invite them into our homes so that they can see exactly what we are using and how we go about our daily routine...that they become fully convinced.

So people need to see the transformation and changes in our lives..to sense that unique peace and joy...and to witness the consistency between what we say and what we do.....they will come and ask us about the wonderous God we worship...

in praise of SAHMs..

letters from fans found Dr. Laura Schlessinger 'in praise of stay at home moms"
 
Posting them here for posterity in case I ever doubt my decision in the future..

"I could not have a marriage if I were working, or probably even if I were trying to work part time and raise my toddler. I wouldnt be able to take care of the house the way I do. My husband would not have a warm meal and a warm smile waiting for him at night. And I definitely would not have the energy to be a babe at night.
Although he struggles with his new career, considering how much he loved teaching, I know that he feels a sense of pride and meaning that he is supporting the healthy childhood of our son, he is a champion of the family. Being able to stay at home with our son means that I have the mental capacity and physical energy (however minimal on some days!) to be his WIFE and not just a live-in house keeper.
Not that we don't have difficulties. I have struggled with depression and anxiety throught the process of beoming a mother, as he has in the process of becoming a father and the only wage eamer. I think raising kids in general puts a huge strain on a marriage, maybe more so if both paretns have radically changed their lives so one parent can stay home. All of that considered, though, I truly belived that our commitment to have me stay at home, and the team effort of making that happen, has strengthened our bond and love despite the sacrifices."

"Nine years ago I left a job I loved and was good at. My bosses appreciated me and my work. Many of my former coworkers are still there. I'm sure they think of me (fondly!) from time to time.

But to be honest, I was replaced in a matter of weeks, and I'm certain that whoeevr took my position was equally talented, brillant and resposible. The company got along fine without me all these years.
However, my siblings and I lost our dear mom when she was only forty-seven. I miss her and think of her often. A mother holds a special place in your heart, and no one can take that place. I want to devote my time, energy and talents where they count: creating memories for and with my children; teaching them, learning from them, laughing with them, playing with them, guiding them, loving them... and being loved in return."

God the lover..

Last night during a conversation with a friend, she was telling me about her journey with God and how she sometimes wonder if she truly loves God....in my mind, I panicked for a while and asked God the same question....
His answer came swiftly..."It's ok...just let me love you and accept my love."

Sunday, March 16, 2014

a rose by any other name...

After he gave an especially eloquent answer to some bible study materials we were going through, I gazed at my husband admiringly and exclaimed:
"Sweetie, are you sure you don't want to become a preacher??!"
He seemed just a tad uncomfortable and launched into a rather lengthy reply of how he thought that our gifts and talents as a couple might work together quite well in hospitality and modeling the love of God in our home and sharing the gospel that way...
I looked at him in slight amusement and said, "Don't worry! I didn't pray to be a pastor's wife..I just prayed to marry a pastor's son...."
But who knows what God might have planned........ (So ominous.... ;P we are ALL called to be light and salt of the earth... so even without an official title, we are all commanded to spread the gospel and minister to the hurt...so same same, right??)

Sunday, March 9, 2014

wedding dinner updates..

things to give thanks for..

1. everything for the wedding is on track. We basically have to turn up and enjoy the night. :) ("enjoy" is used rather loosely in this context...) We have the venue and all the arrangements there confirmed, bills are paid in advance so as to enjoy maximum rebates from the credit card companies, the montage is ready and the groom's speech is almost ready too! (awaiting translation from English to Mandarin by one of my friends' husband who works as a Chinese teacher..initially I thought I could do the translation but realized that nope, my Chinese is not powerful enough.....the friend's husband is also a worship leader and very godly man so I thought that he would be able to convey the message of God's grace much more clearly than me..)

2. we have a face painter!!! courtesy of one of my colleagues! He's the pastry chef at my hospital and we were having dinner at the staff canteen one day and got talking about his family and he told me that his wife is actually a face painter and usually does children's faces on sentosa... I only considered getting some entertainment for the children after one of my cousin's husband mentioned that he attended a wedding where the couple marched down the aisle to the minion song and provided the children with alot of entertainment... to be frank, I was rather overwhelmed when I heard that...I have to make sure that I look my best, my husband looks his best, my parents are happy, the wedding helpers are happy and the guests are happy and now the children too?!! *growl*
But ok, it wasn't that bad...and my colleague is blessing me with his wife's art...so that does help ALOT.

3. We have pre-dinner entertainment!! Prophetic art and blessings from my eldest sister and her friends. Like fortune telling but Christian style!! If you don't already know it, our wedding dinner is a thinly veiled excuse to share the love of God with predominantly my family and pre-believing friends so I was really excited when my sister and friends agreed! Woo hoo!

4. We have cupcakes! Courtesy (but we're still paying him- he's such a gooood negotiator...) of a 16 year old nephew...his uncles are the bosses of the Paradise group so I can safely say that food and catering runs in his blood....he's going to make about 72 cupcakes in assorted flavours, 12 individual cheese cakes and some cute heart shaped waffles...I told him that I needed a really cute dessert table and to feed approximately 80 pax (we have 160 guests BUT I'm guess not everyone will take sweets...)..more like photo opportunity...

5. We have make up artistes!!! One for me, one for my mom! Yay! The one for my mom did a wonderful job for my aunt and I am rather excited at the thought of my mom looking fabulous! Originally my make up artiste is my younger sister but she's been rather stressed out and grouchy of late and I'm not sure if she's going to be able to do a good job on the actual day and not stress me out more in the process...........

6. AND veil!! on loan courtesy of a girlfriend who recently got married! So sweet and generous of her...

other loose ends to tie up:

1. Videography: YAY or NAY. This awaits further discussion with the Keeper. ALL of my girlfriends said 'YES YES, DO IT!" but I'm thinking it's a bit of a waste of money since we already have a wedding photographer and my hubby shares the same sentiment... but after all the other additions, I'm wavering a bit...(especially after a recent fiasco involving paying 80 bucks for a deed poll which I might not use...80 bucks! It can pay for a really nice meal!!)

2. measurements for the wedding cheongsam. My second sister is doing it for me....and basically it was cos the white gown which I intended to wear is a bit tricky to wear without exposing my bust to any body taller than me..for some reason (most probably I hadn't tied it probably) there's a huge gap... and ok, the main reason, you can now see my tummy....I think I've gained about 2 kgs since I got it...but didn't think it would make sure a big difference...and another lame reason is that the tie that I got for my hubby to match the gown was pink and the gown actually has peach, not pink, accents...I had remembered wrongly... :P

My husband's reply to this revelation was: "wouldn't it be easier to get another tie instead of making a cheongsam?"

It would.....but a cheongsam would look very different from the evening gown which I will wear for the march in and it helps to keep another element of surprise for the guests...as Dennis and I will already be mingling with them during the cocktail hour...

yes, the truth is out. I am just vain. :P

why do you talk so much about sex??!

A girlfriend asked me why I'm so open about talking about sex.

The short answer? Because I believe it is a thoughtful and specially designed marriage gift from God and this very exclusive and intimate present strengthens and builds up marriages.

The long answer? Because I do not wish my future kids to learn about sex from Miley Cyrus or her 2025 equivalent. Sex is not dirty, shameful, disgusting or sinful. Inside marriage, it is one of the most beautiful and pleasurable expressions of love. (and yes, God intends and desires us to have pleasure and He is glorified when pleasures draw us to worship Him! Imagine!! What a wonderful Creator that He's wired us this way!!)

BUT!! Sex outside marriage is another matter altogether. No excuses at all and the results are often disastrous....

And of course, we do not need to reveal intimate details of the act of physical intimacy- there are books for that!

In case you are in the market for suitable materials, check out this and this.... :D  (yeah, the Keeper and I have these books and are looking forward to reading them together but that was probably too much information........)

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

we are one..

this morning as a cloud of insecurity set in, I thought I might message the Keeper and ask him what his reaction will be if I gained a few kilos and stayed heavy...I remembered the last time when I asked something similiar, he had (in uncharacteristically undiplomatic fashion) said that he'd exercise with me more....... (not an acceptable answer for any gents reading by the way..)

and then I realized that it's no point asking...'cos the question that I was essentially asking was:

"will you love and accept me......no matter what..??"

and it's not because I know that he loves me unconditionally or he said or done something dramatic but it's the fact that we are already married. We are ONE before God's eyes..and it's a 'till death do us part' convenant....

and maybe God wants us to get married so that we understand the relationship we have with Him more... that in the same sense with Jesus..once we accept Christ, it's a 'His death has ensured that we will never part' convenant and I don't ever have to doubt whether He loves me or accepts me because we are one too.............


Monday, February 10, 2014

how I know my husband loves me..

I have always been a strong advocate of the five love languages so I was rather surprised when I felt extremely loved by my husband when he told me about some changes he's been making....
I had mentioned my concerns about the safety of Telfon and that I would prefer for him not to use the telfon fry pan in our kitchen in Kentucky...He immediately switched to a cast iron pan even though the cast iron pan is heavy and rather cumbersome and still needs seasoning... =
He told me that his deodorant had ran out and I got him organic deodorant -it's slightly tricky to use cos it's in a cream form...and it sorta slipped my mind that guys don't usually shave their armpits and I felt silly for not getting a roll on type.... But he followed the instructions on the product gamely and goes through a week of detox (ie: not using any deo at all! His colleagues bore the brunt of it I think!) before starting on the cream....

I'm really impressed at his trust in me..
I think my husband is truly convinced that I love him and just want the best for him.......and it also makes want to be the best version of myself and make sure that all the 'recommendations' I give him are the best...but it does make sense..because a husband and wife is 'one body'.... if it is well for him, it is well for her...

This made me think of our relationship to Christ....that it delights Him so when we listen to Him and that it's so much easier to follow what He says when we believe that we are His and have full confidence that what He wants for us stems only from love and is for our greatest good...

Friday, January 24, 2014

Sappy story of the day


One of my friends messaged me to tell me that she's won a resort stay in Bali worth $10,000. 

I was one of the first persons that she thought of cos she started winning prizes after a conversation with me about a year back (and that time she rubbed her shoulders against me....sounds strange, I know! :P) 

Initially I felt a little jealous..and wished that I was the one who won the contest...

And then I think she tried to console me by saying "I'm sure you'll strike the jackpot again..."

I thought about it and replied that I already have....

The Keeper..

My biggest and most wonderful gift from God. :)

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

who's childish now..?

"It's so childish to unfriend people on facebook if they don't want to attend your wedding!"

*slight pause*

"Unfriend them a little later- after the party and show them what they missed out! And that you had a great time without them!"

Made me burst out laughing at the irony of it...but the person was serious...

but......if a friend doesn't think that my wedding is worth coming for even if they are in the same (very small) country.....maybe they don't really want to be friends......

Saturday, January 11, 2014

The tale of two pendants

Last year I sorta realized something...that I was never truly happy with presents that people give me...even though some people might say "it's the thought that counts.." I couldn't reconcile that....and my primary love language is gifts (people whose love language is gifts are supposed to be happy when they receive gifts..!!) Somehow there seemed to be a leak in my love tank and that some of the love would seep out and I would never be satisfied...

For my 24th birthday, my best friend gave me a very pretty diamond and rose gold cross pendant and necklace...she was really excited about it and could hardly contain her excitement and couldn't wait for me to open the present and put it on.
At that time I was rather tanned and the color of the rose gold pendant just melted into my skin and it was also a tad short...it looked gorgeous on my friend though..she's slim and fair (exactly like what I wished to be actually! Even now..) and I was really upset.. with the gift and with my friend..cos it was unflattering on me and highlighted the things that I wanted to be but wasn't.....we ended up going back to the shop to purchase a longer necklace which was two inches longer but cost a hundred dollars more (which I was sorta jumping up and down at how expensive it was..) and I tried to rectify the situation by telling my friend how much I loved the design of the pendant (I do..) and how the straight vertical line represents God's truth and the curvy diamond horizontal line represents God's grace and mercy. But I think I must have traumatized my friend a fair bit cos she never did get me another gift like that and would usually just get me vouchers..

Ironically now a decade later, the cross pendent is one of my favourite pieces of jewelry and I love it so much that I even chose my wedding ring to match it...

This year for my birthday, I received a pendent from another friend...she's a few years older and works in church and I know that she loves me a lot from the way she answers my phone calls.,.when she realizes that it's me, her voice changes to a cooing and delighted tone..she's the friend who has really helped me a lot in my journey to wholeness and provided a lot of godly counsel and I'm really grateful to her...and the present....she put a lot of thought into it and said that she had considered a few items...books (too heavy for migration), food (eaten quickly and forgotten), cash (spent and easily forgotten too)..and finally decided to get a pendent with a pearl in the middle surrounded by diamonds and white gold. 
I was really touched when I received it.
She asked me if I liked it and gave me the option of changing it for something else. 
I told her that I did like it and that I will wear it and think of her often.
To be truly honest, it's not a design that I would have choosen for myself and I was surprised that I had refused the offer to change it...and I really did appreciate the gift very much...

And to my greatest joy, I think this means that God has finally sealed the leak in my love tank!! Now I can receive gifts without being worried about being disappointed and reply sincerely: "it's the thought that counts.."