Monday, October 28, 2013

physical intimacy in marriage

I think this article sums up very articulately my current views on physical intimacy in marriage.

If it is something is so important to my husband's well being, why would I not want to provide it for him?

A wife thinks about what to feed, how to clothe and generally, how to make her husband happy - and also help him succeed in all his goals..and if it's the only thing in the world that only a wife can do for a husband, it really does not make much sense to hold it back from him as currency or to have any reason not to do it.. granted, yes, that most women are holding a full time job and feel more compelled than men (usually) to take care of household chores and the children, which makes them effectively pull double shifts every day and they are genuinely exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally........I guess it all comes back to the heart attitude...whether I want to serve my husband and put his needs above mine?

But having said that,  I do admit that I am an inherently quite selfish person.... that frequently I only do good to someone cos I know then I will have a better chance of getting a preferable response for something else that I might need later... Fortunately for me, the Keeper is a very unselfish person.....and I hope to become more and more like him in that respect...

Bottomline, I think it is a privilege and honour to be able to accept and give love in the most intimate way possible and it is really quite enjoyable, right??? (I can visualize so many facepalms now....muahahaha...really, I didn't start out this post with the intent to terrorize... :P)

The Keeper as a kid...



I can't stop staring at this picture....he's so cute!!!!! (and am quite giddy at the prospect of our future offspring looking very much like their dad!)

Sunday, October 27, 2013

He brings a smile to my face every day...

Today he starts his email with:

"I have to say that I was a little bit distracted by my beautiful wife during our chat.  But by the way that the camera was positioned it didn't cause me too much of a distraction. Just rather exciting to know that you are my wife after all." 

How can I not adore this man??!

(by the way, for my conservative friends with rather wild imaginations, I wasn't wearing anything scandalous, it was just a low cut dress ok??)

Chopsticks and other cutlery..


Was chatting with a girlfriend and asking about her boyfriend..she told me she was struggling with the fact that they're so different..she had imagined her ideal spouse to be someone very similar to her and that they would serve the Lord joyously together...and had even received a prophecy that she and her spouse would be working like a pair of chopsticks to advance God's kingdom..

I told her I could empathsize and I had the same notion that marrying someone very similar to myself would be a great idea (super foodie! Now I shudder to think how dangerous to health that might be.. :P)..and that the Keeper and I are extremely different and that he believes that is evidence of God's working in our lives..how He has brought together two people from opposite sides of the globe and whose strengths and weaknesses  complement each other and we are both supplemented because of that..

He's diplomatic and very unlikely to say anything that will put him in a tight position...I'm straight forward and often rather candid..

He's deliberate and prefers to consider every decision carefully while I'm rather impulsive and tend to trust my instincts..

He keeps a respectful distance from most people while I usually find it relatively easy to get close to people..

Had a sudden brain wave and told her that maybe a marriage relationship is less like a pair of chopsticks and more like a pair of fork and spoon..
they may look rather different but together, work beautifully in tandem..:)))


Saturday, October 26, 2013

Our reading list..

The Keeper's been reading so many books on relationships and marriage that he joked that he can become a marriage counsellor...

His list:

1. Five Love Languages for Singles by Gary Chapman
2. For Men Only by Shaunti Feldhahn
3. The Mystery of Marriage by Mike Mason
4. When Sinners say I do by Dave Harvey (this was our pre-maritial counselling book)

His wife's read all that plus the following:

1. The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller
2. Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerich  
3. For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn 

and also bits and pieces of these two books on the technicalities on physical intimacy recommended by a mature Christian friend..(we will read them more earnestly after I've moved to the US for good...)

1. Sheet Music by Kevin Leman
2. Intended for pleasure by Ed Wheat, Gaye Wheat

So which one's the best resource so far?
For a quick fix, Love and Respect should quickly break the crazy cycle that results in communication breakdowns between husbands and wives and offers some doable tips which can possibly restore tenderness and romance  back into the relationship..

The books on love making are rather interesting and gave me a whole new perspective on the subject matter...not so much on techniques but on the purpose and power of sex, especially on men..

Hmmm.....if I had to pick just one book to read over and over again, it'd be Mike Mason's the Mystery of Marriage. He gives a very realistic but still extremely glorious view of marriage- you'll go in with your eyes wide open, knowing full well that it will be the most difficult relationship you will ever have but also having within marriage, the possibility of experiencing the closest thing to heaven on earth. :)

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

When did you know?

For him, he said he knew it the moment he saw me at the airport...I think his exact words were, "you looked like an angel.." (Yeah, even I think that that was laying it on a little bit thick.... :P on a more serious note, the Keeper constantly reminds me that he believes that I am an answered prayer from God..how we had gotten acquainted when he had nearly given up all hope of meeting anyone..and how smoothly things have progressed and how well we get along and how well we complement each other...and he does treat me like a special gift from God..it makes such a world of difference!)

For me, it wasn't that moment I saw him in the hair salon and realized how handsome he can be.... 

It was on the first night we shared a bed in Wanderlust...
 
One of the biggest problems with growing up in Singapore is the constant exposure to American pop culture and I must admit that I have watched way too many TV programs and movies for my own good and even though I have been a Christian for the last 12 years, it was still hard not to buy into the idea of physical attraction/ sex / lust being the exact same thing as love.

After all, if you love someone, you will give your body to them as proof right? No? Or sex is a legitimate need and we should be free to fulfill out desires? No too? Then how about just testing out the goods and making sure that everything is in working order and are compatible? No? Waiting till after marriage to be intimate? What a quaint notion!

Even though the Keeper and I have been writing so much, I still wasn't quite sure what he was expecting...a guy friend who treats me like a younger sister told me this about guys..they will do almost anything to get into your pants and he followed that up with a real life example of his colleague who lives in New Zealand and flew to the US  for the thrill of sleeping with a girl he had gotten to know online- he had absolutely no intention of marrying her. He just wanted a conquest. (!!?!!!)

So back to the story....before the Keeper had booked his accommodation, he had the impression that I would be staying at the hostel and hotel with him as well. (After he went back to the US, he told me the thought of physical intimacy did not cross his mind at all- he just wanted to spend as much time as possible with me. A Southern gentleman indeed..)
I was definitely not going to stay at the hostel but wasn't so sure about the hotel...I wasn't sure what sort of a message I would be sending him and that was just putting the both of us in a very dangerous position...

And on the day before we checked into the hotel, I had given him a passionate lecture on how I wished to remain sexually pure with him before marriage...and he had agreed...and I had also quantified that knowing myself well, it was not going to be easy so the onus was on him. (This is something that I do not recommend anyone else to do, especially my own daughters!!!)

So..during that night...guess who was making the advances?

Not my proudest moment and not something that anyone reading this should be attempting...the Keeper kept his eyes closed and pretended to be asleep and then after a while, he returned the advances and all of a sudden, he sat up in bed, in a hunched position and let out a groan of anguish. (At this point, I thought he was going to give in...) He grabbed me from behind, wrapped his arms very tightly around me and told me in a very serious but gentle voice: 

"This is really difficult for me..because I am very attracted to you.....but I wish to honour God.."

Never had I felt so safe in anyone's arms.

That was when I knew..that this is the man I could entrust the rest of my life with..

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

the crazy intinerary...


This is the itinerary....complete with links!! Feel free to check out the reviews for the different places and to use it yourself too..though it is very much customized by someone who likes food too much...the traditional hair cut is really worth a try; the barber was extremely professional and the Keeper said that it's the best hair cut he's ever had...(and my not so secret motive was that I didn't like the Keeper's former hair style...after he had his hair cut and hair styled later in the day by my younger sister, I literally swooned- not quite sure whether it was due to that that I was, by that time, awake for more than 30 hours, or whether he looked so much better..the first thought was: Wow!!!! He looks like an Armani model!!! Thank you God!!!!!!)

basically the Keeper just wanted to spend every waking moment with me..he really didn't care about anything else... :P and yeah....I do know that the schedule's a bit packed- we did manage to follow it rather closely other not going to any museums, macritchie tree top walk and the botanical gardens, we also managed to do an impromptu trip to JB for supper and durians!! 

I thought that the tight schedule would help keep us occupied in case we didn't enjoy each other's company and also if we did enjoy each other's company, the presence of many different friends would make sure that everything was above reproach...:))

Oh and I also thought that it would be only fair that since he has flown 26 hours to come here that I introduce him to all my closest friends cos I wanted to make sure that he gets a good idea of the real person I am..not that I have concealed anything or pretended to be someone else during our on-line interactions but cos I think different friends bring out different sides of us and it's much easier to get to know a person when you've seen them in various social settings..(he agrees and when I visited Kentucky, he did the exact same thing for me! :P)

The numbers in brackets are estimations of prices for everything...a bit OCD but it's always nice to be informed right??


Monday
2am-5.30am chill out at airport
6.30-7.30am check in at hostel
7.30-11am- explore Chinatown area + surrounds + go for brekkie --> Kaya toast at Good Morning Nanyang Cafe (~6) at Telok Ayer Hong Lim Green Community centre
 + traditional hair cut (~6) ?? :D
11.30-12.30pm  get fitted at Ken's tailor (~200 = one shirt ~70 + pants ~100)
1pm -2pm Lunch @ Nam Nam Café
2-5.30pm – Asian Civilizations Museum  OR shopping + fragrance profiling @ orchard road
7-9pm dinner with my family (parents, sisters, brother in law + grandma and aunt) @  Zai Soon + Second review - try curry fish head, pork trotters, salted egg with bitter gourd (scary foods alert! :P We’ll try to order more ‘normal’ stuff too…)
9-10pm Shampoo + hair styling at chin boon's salon 

Tuesday

9am brekkie –
Nasi lemak (~10) at Adam’s Road (pack fruit and water for hike)
10-2pm Macritchie tree top walk
2.30-3.30pm Japanese Style Suna (complimentary – won from a lucky draw sometime back too… ;)) this should be something quite novel!! But mainly I thought that it’s a good idea cos there’re shower facilities after our hike and we get to rest for a while. You mainly just sleep in the room which is made up of bricks with lotsa negative ions.
4-5.30pm-afternoon tea @ Ichiban Boshi (~10) with Dr Tan (doctor friend at work who treats me like a daughter)
5-7.30pm: Kampong Glam area + pashmina shawls for pressies (~20)  +teh terik (~2) + murtabak (~4) at Kampong Glam
8-10.30pm Tuesday group at Raffles Place (sorta like a church service but much more free form and organic) with Jesslyn
10.30-11.30pm Drinks @ 1 Altitude bar (complimentary!)
(last train: 11.58am)


Wed
10 am meet-check out hostel - breakfast at Tiong Bahru wet market – local delights (~10) –laksa, congee, wanton mee, prata +  wander around
tiong bahru area + visit Yiling (close friend from high school who let me name her first born son!)  
1-2pm – lunch @ Maxwell market (~10) with Lisa (lovely friend from church who tries to mother me!)Tian Tian Chicken Rice + Annie’s ice kachang
2.30pm check in Wanderlust Hotel
3.30pm Collect Zoo card @ Mt A
4-7.30pm Botanic gardens +
orchid gardens- (~8) + drinks @ Blue Bali (~10)
8-10pm Dinner
Bukit Timah Food Centre (~12) (satay, fried carrot cake, thai food, BBQ chicken wings, popiah)+ desserts  (~8) @ Alfero  - try the avocado and durian gelato! with Liwen (best friend from high school)
10.30pm Stroll along Clarke Quay and Boat Quay
11.30pm Mustafa Shopping for souvenirs? tiger balm(~20)

Thursday
10am Brekkie at Cocotte (restaurant @ Wanderlust)
12- 5pm –
Zoo (Pls click link for show times) (complimentary) + panda enclosure (5return via Ang mio kio - breadtalk – flosses bread  (~2)+ Old Chang Kee Curry Puff (~2)+ durian pancakes (~2)  OR Palawan Beach if zoo card not available
6pm Shower + change  @Wanderlust
7pm Dinner @ Bismillah (best Indian rice in Singapore!! :P Really delicious!!) (~10)
8-10.30 pm Soakability (the weekly worship session where people just come and sing their hearts out) with Shi Hua (friend who sings exceptionally well and works as a youth leader in a church but actually we don’t really know each other that well…hehe..)
11pm Supper at Swee Choon Tim Dim Sum (~15)
Friday (good Friday)
10am Brekkie at Cocotte - leave bags at hotel
11am – 2pm Orchard + CityHall - pick up clothes from Ken + shopping and sight seeing

2.30-5pm Seder Event @ Petra Church with Yvonne and Michelle (close friends from first church) and Jesslyn
5-7pm – ? Gardens by the Bay  OR Visit Grandma
8.00pm -10pm  Chocolate Bar at Marina Bay Sands? Watch Laser show at MBS OR Dessert with ? friends
10.30pm Collect bags from Wanderlust
head for airport and chill


Others:
·      tropical fruits to try: Mangosteens, jackfruit, dragonfruit, lychee, longan, mango
·       fullarton? Garden by the bay? Esplanade
·       ?try foot massage (~15)

Other  expenses:
Transport: ~40, Backpacker’s Hostel: ~80
All figures in SGD – total estimate: ~ SGD 800 (includes optional clothes shopping of $200 on Thursday) /USD 650 -- Exchange rate : USD 1: SGD 1.24

The first meeting..

His flight was scheduled to arrive at 1.30 am in the morning and the plan to was spend the wee hours of the morning at Changi airport (I was rather confident that there would be a cafe with comfy seats somewhere and thought the adrenaline would keep the both of us awake)..

I texted him and told him that I had overslept and he would have to wait for me.. His gracious reply was "it's ok" or words to that effect..but actually I was already there, waiting for him at the gate. 

His first words when he saw me?

"You're stunning."

I thought he was rather smooth. (When I asked him about it after we were officially together, he says he was being 100% sincere... hmmm....I do believe him...the Keeper, before marriage, is a really serious guy.. :P)

And then we hugged rather awkwardly and went to a cafe which serves local food. He allowed me to order. I think we had half boiled eggs with toast and Mee Siam. He was wearing a blue checkered shirt which I had bought him for his birthday. (Smart right?!)

We did chat for the next 4 hours...and then took the mrt to his hostel..he had booked a bunk bed in a two person room (great choice cos it was just him the two nights he stayed there..) and I waited for him in the hostel's lounge which he showered.. And fell fast asleep on the couch..he returned about 15 minutes later, looking all fresh and preppy and says, "let's go for breakfast." (I had planned the itinerary and that was the program! Yes, I might be slightly insane..)

I asked for permission to sleep and to my complete surprise, he allows me to... I go to his bunk and sleep for less than an hour while he reads in the lounge....



In the beginning..

So I has signed up for eharmony on 9th August 2012 and the Keeper had re-activated his membership on the 12th September and we started communicating almost immediately..

My first impression of him online? 

Hmmm. He didn't post very flattering pictures of himself..most of them were self shots and he took them from a upward angle so let's just say I wasn't terribly impressed with his appearance..but he sounded like a down to earth guy on his profile and I thought, ok God, l'll focus on character this time..

We moved on to skyping after a month and by this time, he sounded pretty serious and very sweet..and things progressed rather smoothly..

The first time I received flowers from him was on his birthday - 14th Nov- cos he wanted to make sure that I wouldn't expect them.. It was also the same day when I received news that I had won a pair of air tickets to Korea (I know I sound really random- I'm sorry! Just know that God blesses with me a special knack for winning lucky draws..) and I remember telling him that his flowers made me happier than the news of the win.. 

And in December, I go to Hong Kong for a week and in January 2013, he visits Hawaii with an uncle..

By then, I was getting rather impatient and told God: if he doesn't fly to Singapore by May, I'm not gonna wait for him anymore.....

And right after his holiday to Hawaii (which he sorta of regrets cos it took up a lot of his leave days and greatly reduced the number of days he was able to stay in Singapore..), he books an air ticket to visit me in March...

Now we're talking....

Monday, October 21, 2013

Making head and tail..

My husband commented that "city lights to green pastures" is an "interesting name" for a blog..I told him it's cos it's gonna be (mainly) about the transition from Singapore to Kentucky and life in Kentucky afterwards..

So it's been a really eventful past 13 months...

The Keeper (that's the nickname I gave my husband after realizing what an awesome guy he is) and I met on eharmony in September 2012..a month of daily emails transpired before we graduated to daily emails with weekly Skype chats (the 12 hour time difference makes it hard to chat daily - he's in Kentucky and I'm in Singapore)..and in March 2013, he flies to Singapore and we meet for the first time. We spend a whirlwind five days together and then I fly to Kentucky in July 2013 and met his family for the very first time and da-tah!! We got married! (How is that possible, you ask?!!! I sometimes wonder about that too...)

So....what's this blog about again??

More than anything else, I hope it will be a place to share of God's goodness and faithfulness in our lives.. :)

Come, join us for the ride!